bessings

well well well. Here we are again making an up dated posting. I believe a whole year has passed since I tried to make this blog an on going place.



Again a lot has happened over the last twelve months. I have come from quite a dark place to find I no longer recognised who I had become. I looked in the mirror and was not sure who the negative, self depricating woman looking beck at me was.

I had become so many things that I vowed I never would. I had become a victim. Not only of other peoples cruelty and hard hearterdness but of my own inability to live life to the full. I took a step back and had a good hard look at the little girl inside. I showed her all the things we had achived this last year. I took a hard and critical look at how I had failed her. Then I drew a line beneath her and decided to put her into a box. It has a big lock on it but has a window so I can have a little look now and then to remind myself to not go back. Unlike lots wife, I will not be a pillar of salt looking to the past.

Yes I have been hurt

Yes I have been let down

and yes I have been scared



And now I am temperate, strong, wise and happy. Life is for living, grabbing with both hands and squeezing the joy from it. Life is a gift and who are we to be so ungracious not to use it to the full.



In the last year I have shaken the shackles of a defunkt marriage. I was not happy, he was not happy and the two wonderful children did not know life could be so much more. It is my job to give it to them. I put them on this world and so it is my duty, to them to make sure they live it well. I will give them good moral fiber, a sense of right and wrong, the freedom to spread their wings and taste life and all the joy it can bring. I will show them how heartache and pain can show you, you are alive. I will make their lives a blessing. This is my job.



I have planted the seed in the ground and eaten the fruits of my labour. I learned to share with the chickens and the insects and to not become overwrought with disspare as caterpillars munched through my cabbages.

I have take simple joy in the gentle bock bocking of my hens rooting about the lawn. Laughed as they chased each other in a frenzy of joy over a particularly juicy worm.

I have whispered to my ducks to sooth and calm them before clipping their wings. They sound like they are laughing when they quack with abandon. watching their curled tail waddle out of view while rushing to the pond of a morning.

I have sat upon the grass, idle and barefooted feeling the geese nibble my toes as they continue to forage into pockets looking for the carefully secreted feed.

Each and every one of these birds have shown my how worthwhile every day is. Each and every one has been loved.

Many of them will go on to feed my family. Many will provide future birds to bring a spark of joy.

It is not my joy alone however. I have found a new love of showing children the joys around them . City children who don't know that both a hen and cockerel are chickens. They don't know that ducks and geese are different and they find they are not as alarming as they seem. Putting a fat cheeked call duck into the arms of a little autistic girl and seeing her smile is a millionaire moment and one to always be treasured.

I am blessed.