Today has been quite a day. I have bought a car, ouch. But not a beetle. It is a stop gap and will suffice for now. She is a little dark red KA. Previously loved and will serve us well (I hope). I have paid a huge childcare bill I had looming over me. I have replaced L's hamster and provided them with pocket money. I have cooked dinner and cleaned the house. I have fed the chickens, cats, dog, hamster, chipmunk and most importantly my children. I have rung several people I needed to catch up with....
But I hurt, I want to just lay down and curl into a ball like the mouse from Alice in wonderland. My muscles feel like they are on fire, my joints feel like they are full of hot glass, my head is pounding. I feel like I have hands the size of boxing gloves. I have cramp in my feet. I am tired but know I will still not sleep. The stress of a single mum, with two (wonderful) children is getting to me. I have not been able to catch a break just lately. I shake and I am sensitive to too much noise. The sound of children crying in work makes me want to scream at the parents ignoring them....Having the lights on in the living room makes me wince. I am hot and then five minutes later I am cold....
The silly thing is it is not the pain of suffering that is driving me mental, it is the inconvenience of it all. It is the same feeling I had when I was pregnant. I hate things getting in the way of my doing what I want. It makes me so angry.....
I have plants that need to planted, chickens that need to be fenced off, I have a life to get on with....why the fucking hell do I have to live with this god damn syndrome holding me back?
Anyway, enough raging and self pity!
I have a garden to plant these things into, I have chickens that I love who need to be fenced back. I have two wonderful and beautiful children who are a constant source of joy. I have a job I love. I have people around me who care enough to want to help. Everyday the sun rises it rises for me. Just as it rises for each and every one of us........
I may have fibromyalgia but I am blessed :)
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